Start with the ordinary parts of a child’s day: who provides care, how routines work, and how adults handle transitions. This guide offers discussion questions, not a custody schedule or legal agreement.
Begin with dependable care
Consider who can reliably handle school travel, meals, activities, appointments, and care when a child is unwell. Work patterns, distance, children’s needs, and the support available to each family all matter when thinking through practical arrangements.
- Who is responsible for each everyday task?
- What is the backup plan when work or travel changes?
- How will adults share essential school and health information where safe and appropriate?
Think through routines and transitions
Discuss practical details rather than assuming a preferred schedule will fit every circumstance. Examples include travel between homes, school materials, rest, familiar belongings, and activities.
- What does a typical school morning require?
- How will necessary belongings move between homes?
- How will adults handle changes without making the child carry messages?
Keep adult responsibilities with adults
A child should not have to choose a side or prove that one adult is right. Consider how adults can exchange necessary information and manage disagreements without placing that responsibility on the child.
Safety changes the conversation
These questions do not assume that direct contact, shared care, or cooperation is safe for every family. Where there is abuse, violence, or another safety risk, seek appropriate help. Do not use this guide to disregard an existing order or to arrange unsafe contact. If you or your children are in immediate danger, call 911.
Official information
The North Carolina Judicial Branch’s custody mediation information explains the court program and reasons a judge may waive mediation. Its custody information explains terminology and the court process. These official resources do not endorse this campaign or this guide.
Updated October 28, 2026. This guide has not been represented as attorney reviewed. It is general educational information, not advice for an individual case.